Kim Jong Il Wins 'Kim Jong Il Award' Again!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007 at 08:03AM
Kimjongil.jpg(Pyongyang, Democratic People's Republic of Korea) All of North Korea was abuzz last night as the Chairman of the National Defense Commission, Supreme Leader and God-King Kim Jong Il surprised everyone by winning the 2006 'Kim Jong Il' Award. This marked the 12th win in a row (out of the 12 years the award has been given) for the little Napoleon of the Far East.

Kim, dressed in a ruffled shirt and pastel tux, scampered to the stage and began to sing ROCKET MAN. After he finished the entire song, he decried that Rocket Man was his new name, and that he had written the song. Then he showed some choreographed emotion. "I don't know what to say, I really wasn't expecting to win again! I mean twelve years in a row? Who does that? Come on! I guess you really love me DPRK. You really love me!"

But do they? An anonymous staffer said in a hushed tone, "Love him? Yea, like three day old rice. This whole award ceremony is all a colossal, self-serving evening of bullshit." And as the T was hanging on his tongue, he was carted away and given the very important job (by none other that Rocket Man himself) of testing a new bulletproof helmet. (Unfortunately for the staffer, we were later told that the helmet still has a design problems. )

Rocket Man's 1st assistant, Munhwa Seok, while kissing a picture of Rocket Man, said, "Rocket Man's victory in this very competitive contest is spectacular. And because the Korean people honored him with such a victory, Rocket Man has given the staff an hour off and will turn on the nation's lights for one extra hour tonight. It's a very exciting time to be North Korean."

The local people agree, "Rocket Man deserves this award. He works very hard to keep this country number one. And tonight it was nice to have the extra light. I'm reading Rocket Man's biography. And I got to get to the part where he single-handedly defeated the Americans. What a Korean."

While the people of the PDRK are impressed with Rocket Man's win. The rest of the world is not. American President George W. Bush has this to say, "He's a crazy, power hungry man who cares nothing about democracy. And let's face it, winning the 'Kim Jong Il' Award is nothing to crow about. It's not like winning the "George W. Bush' Award that will premiere this fall. And guess who's going to win that gem. Go on, guess."
Article originally appeared on The Lost News (
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