With U.S. Recession Looming, Russia Lowers AK-47 Prices
Friday, January 18, 2008 at 07:56AM

Putin_AK47.jpg(Moscow, Russia) Anyone who can read a newspaper knows that the American economy is on the brink of a recession. But not to worry, other nations around the world are already extending a helping hand.

England is offering future out of work Americans the best dental care they have to offer. France is offering to change the name of pommes-frites to freedom-frites. But the biggest gesture has come from an old enemy: Russia.

President Vladimir Putin said that his government would immediately lower the prices on its famous Kalashnikov assault rifle or AK-47 to 20 dollars per unit. “We just want every American to know that when things get tough, the government of Russia will be there in case you might need an affordable gun, for some reason.”

When asked why out of work Americans would need a gun, much less an assault rifle, Putin shrugged and said, “Maybe the poor Americans will think of one reason or one thousand nine hundred seventeen revolutions, I mean reasons. I don’t know. It’s not up to me.”

President Bush has laughed off Putin’s offer. “Why the heck would anyone need one thousand nine hundred and seventeen reasons to get a gun? 1917? That makes no darn sense. When I was a kid I only needed one reason: varmits.”

Members of Congress have flatly rejecting Russia’s offer. “I’m here to say that this country does not need or want Russia’s cheap guns,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. “We already have plenty of U. S. made guns here. You need one? Just go to Detroit.”

Putin thinks that Congress is overreacting. “I think that Czar Bush needs to have a sit down with. Did I say Czar? I’m sorry, I mean that President Bush needs to have a sit down with Congress. It is a very dangerous world and everyone knows that the best friend of an unemployed male between the ages of 16 and 34, whether that is in America or not, is an AK-47…By the way, when paying for your new gun, you better send cash or use your VISA, because we don’t take American Express.”

Article originally appeared on The Lost News (http://thelostnews.com/).
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