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    « If Only I Were Taller | Main | Here I Am English, Come Get A Taste! »
    Tuesday
    Sep042007

    If We Free The Slaves, Who Will Do The Work That Americans Don’t Want To Do?

    180px-NCG-AlexanderMartin.jpgAlexander Martin, Governor of North Carolina and Delegate to the Constitutional Convention

    This is a speech given by Governor Martin to the Constitutional Convention on September 7th, 1787.

    My dear gentlemen, as we come close to completing this document and laying the foundation to the greatest experiment in human history. I pray that we table a discussion of slavery and move on.

    There are many of you, wearing cotton shirts I might add, who think slavery is a most evil institution. Myself, feel we could do better, but not now. Now is not the time to set these people free. Because if we let the slaves go, who will do the work that the real Americans don’t want to do? Who will pick the cotton, plow the wheat and deliver us our corn?

    You Mr. Franklin? You Mr. Jefferson? You General Washington?

    The slaves, whether you like it or not, are valuable workers that provide a service and help keep our economy moving. And as a fragile young nation, keeping our economy on the carriage path of growth should be of the utmost importance.

    And don’t assail me with the hollow arguments that plantation owners are taking advantage of the Africans by paying them a near non-existent wage, that that has caused a wage depression in this country and that real Americans would pick cotton or anything else, if they could just get a living wage.

    We know that not to be the case. Americans are, for lack of a better word, prissy namby pambies. We love to wear powdered wigs, play with swords and talk of big ideas, but we don’t like to get our hands dirty. And to make my point, let me see everyone’s fingernails…Madison, get your hand up….spotless. I thought as much.  

    Now let's suppose that we do let the slaves go home and pay real Americans a real wage to pick cotton. What happens? The price of that cotton shirt you're wearing goes up, and so does the price of everything else. That's inflation, and inflation we cannot have.

    My friends, because of our laziness and our pale skin, that burns in the heat of Apollo’s mighty sun, we must leave the work of the land to the slaves. And don't feel bad. They like the work. It gives them satisfaction. And whether you believe it or not, they are living better here than they did there in barren Africa.

    So in conclusion, until the day real Americans come to their senses and decide that any job at any wage is worth their effort, we must keep the slaves. It’s a matter of national security. Thank you.

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    Reader Comments (1)

    Funny stuff! Seriously. The final statement could be viewed as a parallel to today's state of employment. Many complain about the high volume of immigrants from Mexico working in fast-food; the same people who think that kind of work beneath themselves. I like it.

    September 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterArnold King

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