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    I'm Glad I'm Old, Cause You're F*cked

    Oldmanbig.jpg(Cleveland, OH) On his 73rd birthday Grandfather Godfrey 'Gramps' Reynolds told his two sons, six grandchildren and anyone who would listen that he doesn't mind getting old, in fact he's glad he's old. "It's a shitty world that just gets shittier by the second," said Gramps "And with all those crazy Arabs running around, I wouldn't want to grow up or raise a family now, because you young people are fucked."

    "This is old hat for dad," said Godfrey's son Tim "Hell, when I was high school, he said 'With all those crazy Arabs running around, I'm glad I'm not in high school, because you're fucked."  

    "And when I was getting married he said, 'With all those crazy Arabs running around, I'm glad I'm not getting married, because you're fucked.'" said Godfrey's other son Jim.

    Why is everyone always fucked to Godfrey, and what do the Arabs have to do with it?

    "Mr. Reynolds it seems, was born with what is called a Deteriorating Sense of Optimism or DSO," said Cleveland psychologist/sociologist James Whitsett "It's a rare brain disorder that affects only 1 out of 50 million. Unfortunately, there is no cure. But the Arab thing, I guess he's just a racist."

    Tim Reynolds disagrees, "Racist? No way. As far as I know, dad's never even met an Arab. It's like the guy with the fancy degrees says, he's sick."

    "Yea, and it's sad because now is a great time to be alive," said Jim Reynolds "I have access to every piece of literature and porn ever produced, the NFL has its own network and pretty soon doctors will be able grow new organs, like livers. And sure there are some crazy Arabs running around, but there have always been crazy Arabs and non-Arabs running around, and I suppose there always will be. But I choose to see the cup half-full. I choose to say that's okay."

    Godfrey summed it up this way. "I'm glad I don't have my head in the clouds like Jim, because with all those crazy Arabs running around, he's fucked."

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