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    « For Man Named Logan, When Women Hit 30, He’s On The Run | Main | Hey Bra, You Intelligence Types Got It All Wrong. If You Really Want To Torture A Terrorist, Stop The Waterboarding And Start The Teabagging »
    Monday
    Nov122007

    Apple Unveils The "iDR" In Time For Holidays

    iDR.jpg(Cupertino, CA) As a kid, did you dream of being a doctor, but thought it was too hard or only possible for smart people? Well now your dream may come true. Because according to Apple founder and CEO Steve Jobs, it is no longer necessary to spend the eight plus years in medical school and post-graduate programs in order to become a doctor. "Now you can do it in just seconds. Thanks to our latest marvel, the iDR," said Jobs during the iDR unveiling this morning.

    "This device will let people make a self-diagnosis, order tests and prescribe medications (from Canadian pharmacies) all while downloading their favorite music, TV shows and movies," added Jobs to his awed audience. "Also, this little MD will help save millions from unnecessary office visits, soaring insurance costs and crippling school loans. Welcome to the new age of medicine."

    "Welcome to the new age of medical disaster is more like it," says Dr. Joseph Martin, Dean of Harvard Medical School. "There's a reason medical training takes years. The human body is incredibly intricate and complicated. To think someone can just be a doctor while downloading Jay-Z is very, very foolish."

    Former U.S. Senator Bill Frist, now a practicing physician, agrees. "It's not only foolish, it's irresponsible to think amateurs can correctly diagnose themselves. Hell most Americans still think that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11. This is going to be a bloodbath, and we have to stop it." But when Frist was told that most iDR buyers would be Democrats he said, "Well, let's see how this plays out."

    Steve Jobs finds all the criticisms of iDR way too premature. "Look people, don't knock the iDR before you get a chance to use it...In fact, last month it saved my ass. Using the iDR, I found and removed a tumor on my prostate 5 days before I got the tests back from my so-called learned doctor...I'm only saying what everyone already knows. The human doctor is going the way of the standard-def television...So save your ass today and buy the iDR."

    Apple also announced their plans for another device that will be released in June 2008. It's called the iGOV, and it will let people legislate, enforce and overturn their own laws.

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