GOP Unveils Plan To Combat Global Warming: Swimming Lessons
Sunday, February 5, 2012 at 10:43AM

(Washington D.C.) Most people think global warming is one big problem. But how do we fix it? Today, the Grand Old Party gave their answer.

“It’s not just our answer. It’s the answer!” exclaimed the goggle clad House Minority Whip Eric Cantor. “And that answer is - swimming lessons!”

Yes, the GOP plans to combat global warming with swimming lessons.

“When the snow caps melt and the waters rise, there’s not going to be enough boats for everyone because of President Obama’s reckless spending. So we (the GOP) want to teach people to swim. It works for me,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner, “and it’ll work for the American people.”

The swimming lesson venture, called Operation Frog-Kick, will be sponsored by private corporations such as ExxonMobil, Halliburton and Xe (formerly Blackwater) and will begin this summer.

“There’s no time to waste,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. “Because think about this. When mother nature is washing your homes out to sea, what’s going to help you more, a giant windmill built by a socialist president or knowing how to swim?…The answer seems pretty black and white to me.”

Cantor added that because Operation Frog-Kick will require zero public funds, Congress would able to give the public (and a few select corporations such as ExxonMobil, Halliburton and Xe) a tax cut. “And that will help create jobs, reboot the housing market and let the American people fill up their gas tanks so that they can get to their swimming lessons.”

President Obama, you’ve just been served.

Article originally appeared on The Lost News (
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