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    Thursday
    Sep182008

    President Bush Tells American People, “Don’t Worry, I’m Okay”

    (Washington D.C.) Thursday, President Bush finally emerged from the White House to talk to the American people about the current financial crisis.
     
    “Look, I know that we’re in a bit of a bind here. And I’m sure that a lot of you are worried about this non-recession, non-depression thing that’s happening. But as your President, let me say this…Don’t worry about me, worry about you, because I’m okay. I got plenty of money.”

    “I got oil money, Texas Rangers money and money that I don’t really know where it came from money,” added Bush. “Think of me like Ty Webb, Chevy Chase’s character from Caddyshack. I’ve got un-cashed checks all over the place.”

    Later on White House spokesperson Dana Perino said that besides the checks, President Bush has money in real estate, stocks and literally thousands of Ronald Reagan piggy banks. “Now the President might experience a few dents and dings to his portfolio, but he’s confident that he’ll make it through this tough time just fine.”

    But that doesn’t mean Bush is having an easy time right now. “I’m scared you know. For the first time in my life, I’m having trouble getting my 9 hours of solid sleep….Like, I really wanted to buy another baseball team when I got out of office, but now I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford it. But I guess that's the stuff that builds character...Anyway, I’ll feel better after I go for a long bike ride…Thanks for listening folks. I appreciate it.”

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    Reader Comments (3)

    awwww, how sweet of him to think of. . . himself. it's comforting really.

    September 18, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterchat blanc

    I was up late last night pondering... what if something bad happens to George and Laura? I had to dig two bottles of last year's Christmas Ale out of the back of my fridge. Normally I never drink, but putting those back (really fast) was the only thing that would help me sleep through the worrying.

    Thank you for posting this. I feel so much better now.

    September 19, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbrazen teacher

    I'm here to help.

    September 19, 2008 | Registered CommenterChris
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