I'm The One Your Mother Warned You About
Friday, August 8, 2008 at 08:10AM
Chris
MartyB_1837

This is a personal ad that President Martin Van Buren posted in the singles publication WhiteSpace, the MySpace of his day

Hey ladies out there in Whiteland! It's your new pal Marty. I'm here looking for someone special!

Could that be you?

Before we go any further, let me say this. I'm the one your mother warned you about….Ha ha!

From what I'm told, I'm pretty cool. I love my friends and family more than almost anything. I'm a real genuine, honest and caring guy, a guy you'd love to bring home to your folks.

And who wouldn't want to meet me? I’m a POTUS! (That's President Of The United States to you non-political chicks.) When I'm not keeping this young nation afloat, I like to have fun by checking out minstrels, hanging out with the Whigs, racing wagons and hiking through the woods.

Is any of this getting to you?

Besides from being your president, I will be your most loyal friend, the one who will defend you when others will not. I, Marty Van Buren, am the person you can count on above all others! But if you cross me, I will absolutely be worst enemy you could ever imagine!

Physical preference? Well that is easy. I am not a shallow man, but I like handsome women. As you can see, I am in great shape. And I want a woman in similar shape. But what really turns me on are real teeth, real hair and ear piercings (wow!)

Now that I've told you about me, tell me about you. Send a note over to the White House. Unless I have to go to war with the redskins or Europe, I'll get back to you soon. Until then....POTUS out!
Article originally appeared on The Lost News (http://thelostnews.com/).
See website for complete article licensing information.