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    Wednesday
    Jul092008

    Study Reveals More Sex For 70-Year Olds Leads To More Nausea For 17-Year Olds

    Old_effers.jpg(Bloomington, IN) The Kinsey Institute has just completed a 10-year study about the sex life of people over 70. Their findings show that 70-year olds have more in common with rabbits than previously thought.

    “Older people are getting it on in a big way,” said 70-year old study leader Dr. Thomas Kinner. “This is great news, not just for me, but for everyone.”…Well, not everyone.

    Dr. Kinner’s study found that the increased sexual activity in 70-years olds produced a curious byproduct: an increased occurrence of nausea for 17-year olds. “For some reason, there seems to be a direct link.”

    “Of course there's a link. It's because old people sex is gross,” said 17-year old Henry Kinner, Thomas’ grandson. “Just thinking about my Gramps giving my Nana the high hard one makes me want to blow chunks.”

    But it’s not just Henry who’s tossing cookies. It’s all of his friends too.

    “My Papa asked me about bean stroking techniques. I was barfing for a week," said 17-year old Joey Piper. “That’s f-ing twisted man.”

    “It’s the worst,” said Joey’s 17-year old girlfriend Shelia Walker. “I lost my lunch after my Gramama asked me how to work a rusty trombone…I have no idea what that is, but it sounds nasty.”

    “Kids, kids, there is nothing nasty, dirty or harmful about the rusty trombone,” said Dr. Kinner. “It’s harmless fun and a darn good workout.”

    Henry Kinner wishes his grandfather would just be a normal old man. “Come on Gramps, if you want a good workout, then sweat to the oldies with that old gay exercise dude. But please leave the sex to those of us without grey pubes. Ok?”

    “I think my dear grandson is missing the point,” said Dr. Kinner, while waxing his chassis. “He and the other young people should take some Dramamine and encourage our mattress polo parties. It means that old age can be a lot of fun and is nothing to fear...Plus our carnal activities will help stimulate this sagging economy. I see big gains in the lube market.”

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    Reader Comments (3)

    Nice! Look out Onion...no resting on your laurels...

    July 11, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterthesharkguys

    Hilarious!

    July 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRocker

    It's about time they studied this "phenomenon." Old love is so sexy. Plus, Nana's still got it!

    July 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTCRazzi

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