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    Tuesday
    Jul152008

    Local Anchorwoman Nails Segue From AIDS To Brangelina

    iStock_anchorwoman.jpg(Los Angeles, CA) Maria Washington-Sanchez is smart, beautiful and the best enunciator on the West Coast. So, there’s no reason why she shouldn’t be the primetime news anchor at KHTV in Los Angeles.

    “That’s true…but unfortunately, my segues are a little sketchy,” said Maria.

    “Sketchy? No, her segues are shit,” said Maria’s boss and KHTV’s manager, Ted Meirs. “Maria’s problem is that she gets caught up in her emotions. She, for lack of a better term, allows herself to be too…human. And that’s something we can’t have in the news business.”

    But yesterday afternoon, after weeks of A Clockwork Orange style therapy, Washington-Sanchez turned the tables on her humanness. While reporting a story about AIDS and its entangled grip on Africa, Maria seamlessly segued to a story about Brangelina’s precious new twins.

    “I fucking nailed it!” screamed Maria after the 5 O’clock newscast. “Other than my human like appearance, there was no hint that I was human at all. Isn’t that great?”

    “I am so proud of Maria,” said Meirs. “And I think she’s finally put all the pieces together in order to move up to primetime.”

    Washington-Sanchez said that she couldn’t have done it alone. “I have to thank all the people with AIDS for not bumming me out, Ted for constantly telling me to repress everything and most of all Brad, Angelina, Knox and Vivienne Pitt. If it wasn’t for them, there wouldn’t have been a segue.”

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    Reader Comments (6)

    I love it! I want you to know I am enamored with your blog. And I'm sure other people are telling you this- and that your head is swelling to ginormous fucking proportions... as of which I am just making it worse. But I cannot resist. Your writing is glorious.

    July 15, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbrazen teacher

    thanks

    July 15, 2008 | Registered CommenterChris

    I love her! She┬┤s the best one, so smart, clever, eloquent and sexy, too.

    July 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBilligflug Monaco

    This is great! AIDS is a total Bummer! Maria finally understands what it takes to be "great."

    July 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPale Gurl

    and you fucking nailed this piece.

    love the site. definitely be back.

    August 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBlaine Fridley

    thanks...you're welcome here anytime :)

    August 6, 2008 | Registered CommenterChris

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