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    Monday
    Apr072008

    President Bush Triumphant After Completing New York Times Crossword Puzzle

    Bush_Smiling.jpg(Washington D.C.) “Hell, this wasn’t so hard,” exclaimed a cocky President George W. Bush Sunday. “Being 'The Decider' is hard, but solving The New York Times crossword puzzle is easy…In fact I think anyone could do it. I don’t know what they’re so uppity about.”

    The President spent half of his Sunday wandering the halls of the West Wing showing anyone and everyone his completed and correct puzzle.

    I know what you're thinking, why would the leader of the free world be so happy about finishing The New York Times crossword puzzle? Because this was the first New York Times crossword puzzle that George W. Bush has ever finished.

    President Bush started this particular puzzle on Monday October 9th in the year 2000, when he was still Governor Bush.

    It began easy enough, as Bush filled in the answer for, a Texas baseball team (Rangers), President during the Gulf War (Bush) and a big-eared elephant (Dumbo); but by the time of his inauguration in 2001, George hit a snag.

    “He began to think that every answer was Iraq or Saddam,” said Richard Clarke, the former counter terrorism czar. “And unfortunately for him there were several four letter answers that actually started with an I. That and 9/11 set him back a while.”
     
    In 2003 during the Iraqi invasion Bush hit a successful stride finding answers like Freedom, Flowers and Liberators. However the rest of 2003 and 2004 proved to be tougher as Bush found himself entangled in a crossword quagmire. “He had 12 answers left, and Mission Accomplished, was not one of them,” said First Lady Laura Bush. “He assumed it was a mistake and kept trying to make it fit. I told him to that he needed to stop listening to Don (Rumsfeld), but he wouldn’t.”

    The President pursued the same forceful strategy through 2005 and most of 2006 but came up empty. In November of that year, Bush finally relented to the First Lady’s advice and dumped Rumsfeld. He immediately found a slew of answers including Surge, Security and Logic.

    In early 2007, with only one answer left and feeling confident, Bush pushed forward but soon found himself stalled yet again. Then yesterday, while he was looking through a Blackwater Worldwide catalog, the President finally got his lone remaining answer.

    “Strategery,” said Bush during a telephone interview. “I should have known...That Will Ferrell is one funny SOB…But has he ever completed a New York Times crossword puzzle?…Oh he has...Oh, good for him then.”

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