8 Year-Old “Socialist” Redistributes Birthday Cake
Sunday, October 26, 2008 at 11:48AM

(Colorado Springs, CO) It was a spectacular fall afternoon with just the right amount of chill in the air, as 21 kids aged 4 to 9 gathered at the Adamson household to wish young Joey a happy 8th birthday. It’s too bad that Joey fucked it up by being...a socialist.

Everything was going great. The Guitar Hero contest, where 8 year-old Hunter Pierce dazzled the crowd by conquering Purple Haze, was a big hit. The trouble started when it was time to eat the Dark Knight themed birthday cake.

Joey, because it was his birthday party, wanted to cut the cake himself.

The process started well as Joey cut big pieces for the older boys, who had pushed themselves past the younger boys to the front of the line. But as the cutting continued, Joey realized that he was running out of cake.

“I had cut the first pieces to big,” said Joey. “At first I chose to let the party handle it, hoping that the bigger guys would let some of their cake trickle down to the smaller guys. When that didn’t happen, I knew I had to make an executive decision.”

Joey decided to take back the pieces of cut cake in order to cut them into smaller pieces and redistribute them to the smaller boys and two girls.

“I had to make sure there was enough cake for everyone,” said Joey.

“By punishing me?” asked Hunter. “That’s crap Joey. I worked hard to get to the front of that cake line. Why shouldn’t I be rewarded for that? Why should I have to share with the kids who were too lazy to get to the front? It’s cake welfare, and it’s cake socialism.”

“It’s not cake welfare or socialism. It’s called being fair,” said Joey.

“Birthday parties aren’t fair Joey,” said Hunter. “And it’s not your job to make them so. This sudden turn to socialism has forced me to reevaluate our relationship...So to teach you a lesson, I will be redistributing the MADDEN NFL 09, that I bought you, to myself, and I will not be inviting you to my birthday party.”

Article originally appeared on The Lost News (http://thelostnews.com/).
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