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    8 Year-Old “Socialist” Redistributes Birthday Cake

    (Colorado Springs, CO) It was a spectacular fall afternoon with just the right amount of chill in the air, as 21 kids aged 4 to 9 gathered at the Adamson household to wish young Joey a happy 8th birthday. It’s too bad that Joey fucked it up by being...a socialist.

    Everything was going great. The Guitar Hero contest, where 8 year-old Hunter Pierce dazzled the crowd by conquering Purple Haze, was a big hit. The trouble started when it was time to eat the Dark Knight themed birthday cake.

    Joey, because it was his birthday party, wanted to cut the cake himself.

    The process started well as Joey cut big pieces for the older boys, who had pushed themselves past the younger boys to the front of the line. But as the cutting continued, Joey realized that he was running out of cake.

    “I had cut the first pieces to big,” said Joey. “At first I chose to let the party handle it, hoping that the bigger guys would let some of their cake trickle down to the smaller guys. When that didn’t happen, I knew I had to make an executive decision.”

    Joey decided to take back the pieces of cut cake in order to cut them into smaller pieces and redistribute them to the smaller boys and two girls.

    “I had to make sure there was enough cake for everyone,” said Joey.

    “By punishing me?” asked Hunter. “That’s crap Joey. I worked hard to get to the front of that cake line. Why shouldn’t I be rewarded for that? Why should I have to share with the kids who were too lazy to get to the front? It’s cake welfare, and it’s cake socialism.”

    “It’s not cake welfare or socialism. It’s called being fair,” said Joey.

    “Birthday parties aren’t fair Joey,” said Hunter. “And it’s not your job to make them so. This sudden turn to socialism has forced me to reevaluate our relationship...So to teach you a lesson, I will be redistributing the MADDEN NFL 09, that I bought you, to myself, and I will not be inviting you to my birthday party.”

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    Reader Comments (2)


    October 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterVodik - Tichondrius

    This is most disturbing, but appalling common in these last few days of "Freedom & Democracy".
    This is the greatest country the good Lord ever created, we are NOT going to allow an eight year old to destroy what years of hard work and sacrifice accomplished building up great corporations like KKR, Halliburton and Exxon to be 'shared' with other's who might or might not be Al Qaeda operatives.

    Aside from the fact that Joey's Father has been served audit papers from the IRS, and (the same week), his mother will probably be losing her part -time job because of a mandatory Jury duty selection, his cute sister has become the 'center' of attention at the Middle School that Hunter's bigger brothers attend, which might be good or bad, we'll let you know in about 9 months.

    The thing that has got to be understood is Hunter's sacrifice to eat like a pig, become proficient in video games while flunking several grades and have to push, fight, tug and threaten (all democratic values) to finally reach the 'top' of the line to receive his fair share of cake. To have it taken back is most frightening, we might as well call Mr. Putin over and ask him if he'd like to run for office.

    As a successful business owner, I too wish to capitalize on my success and buy other failed or struggeling business's of other less hard working and ignorant 'owners' who have probably used their ill-gotten gains to buy crack, domestic beer and whores, at their weekend parties watching trash TV like SNL. Is it MY fault my Granddaddy left me $500,000.00 (tax-free) as a gift when he died?
    At least I will give them a decent minimum wage salary (after they work for me) to live on!

    America's future adults like Joey should be ordered into a (detention camp) special summer school for re-evaluation and re-education on what makes the dog-eat-dog capitalism that has been allowed to bloom for the last eight years continue to grow for the next McCain/Palin administration. If it's not broke, why fix it??

    At the very least his parents should take things into their own hands and take away Joey's cell phone. It's probably being tapped anyway.

    October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKevin John

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