Self-Proclaimed Human Torch Becomes Human Ashtray

(Willowsberg, LA) While celebrating his birthday this past Saturday night, local pizza delivery man John E. Storme, 23, the self-proclaimed Human Torch became a human ashtray. John, who was a big fan of Marvel comic's Fantastic Four mainly because his name was similar to that of the fictional Human Torch, Johnny Storm, set himself on fire.

"It was his dream to be a super hero, to be the Human Torch. And for about ten minutes he did it," said friend Lenny Loux. "He was running around saying, 'Where's Doctor Doom? Where's Ben Grimm? Where's the hose?'...It was pretty cool."

John was found as a pile of ashes Sunday morning with two cigarette butts planted firmly in his remains. Also found were also traces of marshmallows and chocolate. Lenny, when asked if he used his old buddy as an ashtray, simply shrugged his shoulders and said, "Maybe. I was pretty hammered dude....Good times."

"Yes it was good, because John died doing something he loved," said John's unemployed father, Earl E. Storme. "I always told John that you only got one life and to make the most of it. Take me for example. I set out to do nothing, and that's exactly what I've done. But my son, my son made the papers."  

"He displayed the kind of guts and go get'em attitude that made this town what it is today," said Willowsberg Mayor Eli Russert while standing next to a string of abandoned store fronts. "That's why I'm declaring today,  John E. Storme Day."       

John's girlfriend Hanna George, 21, is thrilled that her man is getting his due. "John's an inspiration. And he's inspired me to go after my dream of being a big time Hollywood actress. I've always been the prettiest girl in Willowsberg, so Los Angeles can't be that different. But for extra luck I'm going to take a little piece of John with me," added Hanna, cradling a vial of ashes in her hands. "Though I can't be sure how much of this is him and how much is the cigarettes."