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    « Irate Vikings Fan Files Petition To Have ‘Favre’ Made Into The New F-Word | Main | Barbaro Loses Battle With Leg, But Goes On To Win That Big Triple Crown In The Sky »
    Saturday
    Apr212007

    Next Tiger Woods Wets Pants

    golfball.jpg(Denver, CO) For years the media and golf world have been looking in earnest for the next Tiger Woods. And everyone in the golf world thought 2 year-old Brayden Bozak was him. He can hit the ball 60 yards and has even said that when he grows up, he wants to be Tiger. "Well, unless we can get those pills C. Thomas Howell took in SOUL MAN, I don't see that happening," said Brayden's father Reid Bozak.

    But all that doesn't matter now, because Brayden's dream ended yesterday when he wet his pants on the 18th green of the Cherry Creek Country Club. "I'm stunned. Tiger didn't wet his pants at this age," said Reid, while throwing a MERCEDES catalog into the trash "He knows that Mr. Wee Wee is for Mr. Potty not for the 18th green! Sometimes I wonder how long it will take for him to grow up." When asked about the incident Brayden said "I had too much juicy." Then he ran away to chase butterflies.

    Golf experts are back at square one. They expected a lot from this kid, that he was the one. "If he can't hold his water by 2, then forget it," said golf legend Jack Nicklaus. "Now he's going to have to realize that he's not special, that he's regular."

    The sponsors have already run for cover. "We gave that kid a lot of balls, but we can't have our balls getting wet," said the hooded Titleist VP Woody Jenkins from his dark office "But don't worry, there is another. An 18-month old boy in Nebraska named Jaguar Finklestein. He is not only potty-trained but already has three hole-in-ones under his belt. He's the one.

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