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    Main | Irate Vikings Fan Files Petition To Have ‘Favre’ Made Into The New F-Word »
    Thursday
    Oct112007

    Following Marion Jones’ Confession, Man Who Placed 678th In 2000 New York City Marathon Comes Clean

    iStock_GJClean.jpg(New York, NY) George Jefferson, a 42-year old New Jersey native and owner of a dry cleaning business in Hoboken, lives his life with one rule. “Honesty is the best policy,” said Jefferson after admitting that he had just farted. “I smelled it. I dealt it. That’s how it goes.” But several years ago it would have gone differently. Jefferson would’ve blamed the dog.

    In the summer of 2000, George decided that he was going to run the New York City Marathon. “One day this blonde bombshell, let’s call her Simone, walked into my store needing to get a stain removed from a suede jacket. I decided right then and there that I had to bang her. So when she said that she was getting ready to run the New York City Marathon, I said me too.” But with no experience running, jogging or walking up more than 3 flights of stairs, George Jefferson had a tough road ahead of him.

    “So like Marion Jones, I decided to bend the rules,” said George. “I started taking some HGH (human growth hormone) stuff called The Clear. And it was great. I went from getting dizzy after moving a load of whites from the washer to the dryer to running 10 miles (with his new trainer partner Simone) without breaking a sweat.”

    Knowing that he was deceiving Simone but not caring, Jefferson continued to take The Clear. “Just like Marion Jones wanted those Olympic medals. I wanted Simone’s creamy thighs wrapped around my face. We both got lost within the desire to win.”

    And win Jefferson did, or win for him. With the help of The Clear, he ran, finished and placed 678th in the 2000 New York City Marathon. Everyone George knew including Simone, who placed 789th, was impressed. Life was great. Jefferson’s business took off, Simone wrapped her thighs around his face, and he became a local hero until, like Jones, rumors about drug use started to circulate.

    Jefferson, like Jones, went public to deny the rumors. “I did an interview with my 8-year old cousin’s school newspaper, where I denied any wrongdoing about my 678th place finish,” said Jefferson. “Lying to a bunch of kids, that was a new low; but Marion probably knows what I’m talking about.”

    Jefferson continued to live with the lie for years, until the bottom fell out two weeks ago, when a pregnant Simone discovered George’s secret stash of The Clear in his basement. She confronted him. George, who had just read about Marion Jones’ ordeal, came clean. “I told her the truth. I said I took The Clear so I could run the marathon, wrap her thighs around my face and bang her. It felt good to be honest.”

    Honesty however was not enough to save his relationship. The next day Simone left George, had an abortion and moved to San Francisco. Jefferson says he deserves it. “Marion and I both deserve what we get. We lied.” When asked about what would have happened if he had run the New York City Marathon clean, George laughs. “Oh it would have been much different…If I had run that marathon clean, I bet that I would have finished…let’s see it’s October 8th in 2007…I would have finished…about ten minutes ago. Not great.”

    As George picks up the broken pieces of his life and moves on, his only thought is to help other people not make the same mistake that he and Jones made. He plans to write a book about his experience titled, George And Marion In The Clear, An American Tragedy. And he’s trying to reach the younger generation where he tells the next generation of men, “Do not take HGH drugs to get into a girl’s pants. Do it the old fashion way with booze and cocaine.”

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