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    « Following Marion Jones’ Confession, Man Who Placed 678th In 2000 New York City Marathon Comes Clean | Main | Next Tiger Woods Wets Pants »
    Monday
    Oct012007

    Irate Vikings Fan Files Petition To Have ‘Favre’ Made Into The New F-Word

    BrettFavre.jpg(Minneapolis, MN) Fans of the Minnesota Vikings have had enough of storied Green Bay Packer quarterback Brett Favre. “He beats us at Lambeau. He beats us in the dome, and he beats us in Madden NFL,” said lifelong Vikings fan Mike Sommers. “And yesterday he broke the record for most touchdown passes ever by a queer or non-queer quarterback against US…I’m sick of it. Enough is enough.”

    So this morning Sommers is taking a personal day from his job as a copywriter at a local advertising company and filing a petition to have the name of Favre made into Minnesota’s universal curse word or the new F-word. “So instead of saying any of the seven words you can’t say on television, (shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits), one in Minnesota, and hopefully the world, would just say that’s horseFavre. Go Favre yourself. You’re mother’s a dirty Favresucker. You get the idea.”

    It may seem like Sommers is full of Favre, but people in Minnesota are lining up to support him.

    “This, and I mean it, is the greatest thing since sliced bread,” said Minneapolis baker Bill Ritter.

    “Sommers gets a Favring A plus for creativity,” said schoolteacher Meredith Miles.

    “Let’s Favre Favre in his Favre-hole and elect Mike Sommers for Favring President,” said comedian, Democratic Senatorial candidate and Minnesotan Al Franken.

    Even Minnesota’s governor, Tim Pawlenty, is jumping onto the anti-Favre bandwagon. “It’s totally clear to anyone with half a brain that the reason the great state of Minnesota has not been able to bring home a Super Bowl victory has not been the fault of our own players or coaches failures to execute over the years, but of one blight to society, Brett Favre. So I stand with my fellow Vikings fans to say Brett Favre, you can kiss our Favre, your Favreless little motherFavring, Favresucker!…Wow, does that feel good!”

    There’s no clue on how Brett Favre is going to take this attack on his name. Repeated calls to his Green Bay residence were sent directly to his voicemail, which has as an outgoing message saying, “Hi this is Green Bay Packer and Minnesota Vikings Super Bowl champion Brett Favre, leave a message.”

    “We’re all going to leave a message Bret. And that message will be loud and clear, as soon as my petition has passed,” said new Minnesota legend Mike Sommers.

    Even though, Sommers’ petition still has to pass through the Mayor’s office in Minneapolis, sources say it’s a done deal. So later on today Mike Sommers and his fellow Vikings fans will have their revenge and throughout Minnesota kids will be having their mouths washed out with soap for saying the word Favre.

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