Pentagon Unveils The “Try And Follow Us Home” Map
Monday, September 10, 2007 at 07:32AM
Chris

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(Washington D.C.) We have all heard the phrase from President Bush, Secretary Rice, former Secretary Rumsfeld and many others, “We must fight Al Qaeda over there in Iraq, so that we don’t have to fight them over here.”

The thinking is that if we leave Iraq the terrorists will follow us home to create a new front in the War on Terror. But in preparation for a possible military pullout, the Pentagon has unveiled a new strategy that will make it nearly impossible for the terrorists to follow us home. The strategy is a new map called the “Try and Follow Us Home” map. And as this article was being written that map was being airdropped all over Iraq.

“The top minds in the Pentagon spent almost a year perfecting this map,” said Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. “We think we have come up with the best way to protect the American people.”

“This is nothing short of brilliant,” said President Bush. “But the best thing is that the new map is made up of recycled copies of the Constitution. Pretty good huh?”

“I’m impressed. Bush has finally done something to get us out of that Iraq mess,” said Joe Perkins, a lawyer from Lawrence, Kansas. “I stand corrected for calling him a retarded dipshit ball-sniffer.”

“I have to say that I am also impressed,” said Democratic presidential frontrunner Senator Hilary Clinton. “And since most U.S. Americans can’t find the Unites States on a map anyway, I think this “Try and Follow Us Home” map will work like a charm. In fact, I see no down side.”

And neither does Russian president Vladimir Putin. “This map will give me the chance to get some things done,” said Putin in between push-ups. “Now I will be able to plausibly ignore intelligence reports of an imminent attack. And after that attack, I will be able to strike back at a country that did not attack us, take more pictures of my buff pecs and pull East Berlin back into the bosom of mother Russia. Thank you United States Pentagon for your map, thank you.”

“Anything we can do to help stabilize the world good buddy,” said President Bush to Putin. “We’re just glad to do it.”

Article originally appeared on The Lost News (http://thelostnews.com/).
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