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    « Larry Craig, “Just Because You Suck A Little Thingamajig Doesn’t Make You A Watchamacallit” | Main | U. S. Congress To Send Iraq’s Founding Fathers Giant Crate Of Powdered Wigs »
    Monday
    Jul162007

    Congress Solves Healthcare Crisis By Requiring Citizens To Get $100,000 Jobs

    US_House_Committee.jpg(Washington D.C.) The nation’s capital was buzzing this morning, buzzing with the satisfaction of a job well done. “We did it,” said Senate Majority leader Harry Reid giving House Speaker Nancy Pelosi a high five. “We solved the healthcare crisis!”

    “And it feels good,” said Pelosi, “feels real good to know that we have finally helped the American people.”

    Late last night the House and Senate each passed, by an overwhelming majority, the Health Reform Act of 2007. “This bill will finally guarantee healthcare for every single American,” said Senator Joe Leiberman, “by requiring every adult American to get a job that pays at least 100,000 dollars…That way, they can pay for their own healthcare.”

    President Bush, ecstatic, said that he can’t wait to sign the Health Reform Act into law. “Heck, I wish I had one of those pen type things, right now.”

    While the Congress and President Bush are popping the cork on the champagne, critics of the Health Reform Act say it’s unrealistic. “I’ve got a list of questions here. Like first, where are these 100,000 dollar jobs?” asked filmmaker Michael Moore to CNN's Wolf Blitzer before satellite problems forced his interview to be cut short.

    After CNN corrected its satellite issues, Senator Trent Lott answered the critics. “There are plenty of 100,000 dollar jobs available in a variety of terrific industries like lobbying, oil, gas, Iraqi reconstruction and porn…People these jobs are out there, just go get’em!”

    The public better get them soon, because if American citizens do not have a 100,000 dollar job by December 31st of this year, they will have to pay a 100,000 dollar fine and/or enlist in the Army.

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