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    « Congress Solves Healthcare Crisis By Requiring Citizens To Get $100,000 Jobs | Main | ‘No Fly List’ Scores Big Win As Jean Valjean Is Caught! »
    Wednesday
    Jul112007

    U. S. Congress To Send Iraq’s Founding Fathers Giant Crate Of Powdered Wigs

    IraqiFoundingWigs.jpg(Washington D.C.) A report due in Washington this week will suggest that Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki’s Shiite dominated government has not met 1 of the 18 benchmarks laid out earlier this year with President Bush. And that fact is driving Democratic and Republican lawmakers nuts. “I don’t get it,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid “they’re Iraq’s founding fathers…they need to found.”

    “And to make things worse, the Iraqi parliament is planning to take off the entire month of August,” said Republican Senator Richard Lugar.  “Something has to be done and done now.”

    Congress, the world’s greatest deliberative body, answered Senator Lugar’s call to action by passing a law that will send one giant crate of powdered wigs to Iraq’s founding fathers. “The powdered wigs worked for our founding fathers,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “And since the conditions the Iraqi founding fathers face is so similar to our own founding fathers conditions with basically zero electricity, no running water and death waiting around every corner; we think the powdered wigs will work wonders for them.”

    President Bush praised Congress’ action. “This is exactly what the Iraqi’s need,” said Bush. “And it will work…I’ve worn the wigs myself during the tough times at the White House, when I had to sit quietly and think about hard things and complicated matters…In fact I had on a big puffy wig when I, as the decider, decided to invade Iraq…So Maliki and his boys can be like me, and that’s good.”

    Prime Minister Maliki does not share the enthusiasm of the U. S. Congress or President. “I appreciate the gesture, but I have some problems. First, I can’t allow my government to look like a bunch of big fat poofs. Second, these wigs will be very hot, because they do not breathe properly. And third, I can’t allow my government to look like a bunch of big fat poofs.”

    Despite Maliki’s objections the wigs are already on their way. “I just hope they take advantage of this chance to pull their young nation together,” said Senator Reid “And I hope they do it before the end of the month, because we’re taking August off.”

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    Reader Comments (1)

    Dude, that is a hilarious article on health care. We're better off showering with bactene everyday to ward off all harmful gents. Otherwise, we're eating off food stamps to pay for the latex fisting our doctor prescribes.

    July 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterfifer

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