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    « U. S. Congress To Send Iraq’s Founding Fathers Giant Crate Of Powdered Wigs | Main | 2032 Presidential Candidate Puts Venezuela "On Notice" »
    Tuesday
    Jun192007

    ‘No Fly List’ Scores Big Win As Jean Valjean Is Caught!

    iStock_JeanValjean.jpg(Washington D.C.) The Transportation Security Administration finally has something to crow about. The embattled agency has scored a big, big win thanks to their controversial ‘No Fly List’.

    “We caught Jean Valjean!” said TSA chief Kip Hawley “This guy has been evading the law for over a century and we got him! Not the CIA, not the FBI and not the Secret Service but us! Yeah!” Hawley added that his people needed this win after the Andrew Speaker TB mess, the Monica Emmerson sippy cup fiasco and the 60 Minutes story about their outdated ‘No Fly List’.”

    The win took place Saturday at Washington D.C.’s Reagan National Airport, when Jean Valjean was caught trying to board a plane to Montreal, while holding a bottle of water. “I was coming back from my wine and cheese lunch, when I saw a face from the past, a face I could never forget. The face of prisoner 24601,” said TSA chief inspector Javert “Knowing the face of this con, and that a con can never be anything but a con, I quickly grabbed 24601 and told him there is no escaping the law.”

    “Somebody please keep that creepy old guy away from me,” said Jean Valjean, an 11 year-old student from Montreal, who was in D.C. visiting the Smithsonian “I don’t understand what the fuss is all about. I swear that I’ve never stolen a piece of bread, participated in a French revolution or had a daughter named Cosette.”   

    “Don’t let 24601 fool you,” said Javert while cleaning his musket pistol “He’s a con who will say anything to save his neck.”

    “Javert is right, and I 'll stake my job on that,” added TSA chief Hawley “But what’s most important to me is that the American people know that Jean Valjean will have his day in court and it is finally safe to fly.”

    “Why, because they’ve caught a fictional character?” asked UCLA French studies professor Claude Reno “He’s not even an Islamic fictional character. So, what are they doing over there at the TSA, besides jerking each other off? They may say the skies are safe, but I’d recommend everyone just take the damn bus.”

    And that’s exactly what Jean Valjean and his family intend to do. This morning Judge Ellen Huvelle from the U.S. District Court of D.C. dismissed the charges against Valjean and reprimanded Javert and Hawley for wasting her time.

    “She’s a fool and a criminal, becaue last I checked a woman impersonating a judge was a crime,” said Javert before extending this warning. “Know this Jean Valjean, wherever you are. You can hide and you can run but you will never escape justice, prisoner 24601! You will never escape Javert!”

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