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    Oct262007

    What Scares Me? Credit Card Companies

    DraculaBig.jpgDracula

    How's everybody doing? It's me, Dracula. Forgive the old painting, but I have issues about being photographed and photographers. (They're delicious!) But I'm not here to talk about that, I'm here to talk about something we, me and you, live with everyday, fear.

    Fear comes in many forms: spiders, ham and politicians. But just because we have fears, doesn't mean we have to live our lives in fear. Which is why I want to invite you all to the Los Angeles Learning Annex on October 31st , Halloween night, where I will be talking about my book HOW TO BECOME FINANCIALLY SOLVENT BEFORE YOUR 400TH BIRTHDAY, and in particular I will be discussing the chapter titled 'What Really Scares Me? Credit Card Companies'.

    Now I can hear you all saying, (literally, I have preternatural hearing) what does 'Dracula have to fear? Hell, we're all scared of you!' Which, because my diet consists of warm human blood, I can understand. But believe it or not I'm not the big scary out there, at least statistically. For example I feed twice a week, three times tops; so adding that up, I'm only responsible for at most 150-ish deaths a year. In a world this big, that's nothing. Your wet bathtub is more dangerous than I am. But, those credit cards bastards will get you long before that bathtub will.

    Take me for example. I had a good thing going. I had a castle in Romania, a Penthouse apartment in New York and a beach house in Malibu. Then the real estate market of the early 90's came and wiped away my equity. I still had bills to pay, and since I have a hard time making (keeping) friends, I was stuck. Then they came with words of encouragement like "You're Pre-Approved, Get Cash Back, You Deserve The Best." How could I resist? So I signed the dotted line, and they sank their fangs into ME!

    But of course I couldn't pay them, and when I maxed out, I lost it all. Soon I was living in a 2-bedroom apartment in North Hollywood with a guy named Randy.

    It took some time, but I clawed my way back. Now I have a house in Tarzana, and Randy, well let's say Randy is a dish best served at room temperature.

    Whether you're able to admit it or not, I know a lot of you are in same kind of trouble I was. That's why this year, you need to forget the parties and come on down to the Learning Annex and hear my talk. If you do what I did, I promise you can break the chains of bondage from those true bloodsuckers. So again, that's Tuesday, October 31st at 8pm at the Los Angeles Learning Annex. I hope to see you there.

    One more thing, even though I'll eat before the event, everyone should wear a crucifix just in case I get the munchies (It's been known to happen. Yikes!) So until then my brothers and sisters in debt, stay clean.

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    Reader Comments (4)

    Thanks for the giggle. For some reason, I'm feeling very, very thirsty.

    October 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterReformingGeek

    LOL Well, I'm with you on fear of spiders and politicians, but why exactly should I be afraid of ham?!! I mean, I love ham -- is ham secretly threatening retribution for the whole "Sunday ham" thing? ;)

    October 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAngieSS

    Finally some relief is in sight....can't wait to meet you Dracula!

    Should I bring my credit card bill with me? I'm looking forward to you paying it off for me. That's the deal right? You scratch (or bite) my back (or neck) and I'll scratch yours. By the way, will you take a credit card to pay for your seminar fees?

    Once the card has been paid off, I'll be ready to use it again! :)

    Thanks.

    October 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterQuirkyloon

    I'll come if you'll eat my credit card bill. Not the card, just the bill.

    October 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBill Libbey

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