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    Saturday
    Apr072007

    Movie Extra Reveals Will Ferrell, "Down To Earth Guy"

    (Chicago, IL) Chicago actor Doug Malone still reveals to anyone who will listen that working with comedian Will Ferrell on the film Stranger Than Fiction was a great experience due to the funnyman's "down-to-earth, just one of the guys" nature.

    "Will is one of those people who makes everyone feel at ease, you know?" Doug gushed to fellow Xerox sales representative Barb as she shut the door to her office, "He's just such a professional, I mean, really! You couldn't ask for a better scene partner; so supportive."

    The much talked about, only by Doug, scene featured Will Ferrell and indie-darling Maggie Gyllenhaal on a Chicago public bus, discussing her impending audit by Ferrell's character Harold Crick. Doug, seated 7 rows behind Ferrell next to a Chinese guy and an old woman, is barely noticeable by anyone other than Doug.

    "The scene was intense," Doug explained while following to his boss Brian into the men's room, "And Will was such a trooper. We spent 15 hours on that bus...Of course Will was allowed to get off the bus, but when he got back on after his catered lunch in his private trailer, he was back ON!   'On' is a show business term Brian. You probably wouldn't understand."

    But Doug now understands what he wants to do with his life, show business. So after putting in his notice at Xerox, he plans to work his way up the fame ladder.  

    "I'm getting headshots taken by my cousin, which is the first step," Doug said to a woman listening to her iPod on the train "The next step is, of course, getting a lead role in a movie.   My mom says I'm really funny and I should try Saturday Night Live and I'm really considering that. But I need to make sure I know exactly where I want to go before I dive headfirst into fame."

    In the end, Doug Malone will always remember funnyman Ferrell and his words of advice.

    "Will goes to this guy standing next to me - 'Hey, would you mind not taking a picture of me with your camera phone? It's kind of rude.' I laughed and thought to myself, that Will hasn't lost his humble, good nature and I want to make sure I do too when I'm famous."

    UPDATE: Doug's headshots came out great, according to his mom. And as of press time, he is unemployed and living in her basement. "This time of year is the 'slow season' for getting famous," said Doug to the mailman.

    Saturday
    Apr072007

    Woman Seeks to Point Out That Angelina Jolie is Nothing Special, Really

    (Muncie, IN) Tiffany Allen just wants to point out to everyone "Angelina Jolie's lips are physically too big for her face....I'm not lying." A fact she repeatedly stated during a recent viewing of the movie Mr. And Mrs. Smith with her boyfriend, Todd James.

    After he selected the Mr. And Mrs. Smith DVD from the shelf at Blockbuster, Tiffany jumped to point out to Todd that the cover of the movie had been "obviously airbrushed, because no one's legs actually look like that." Todd, who asked three times if his movie selection was okay, felt obligated to then say that Tiffany's legs looked "great" and that "that Mystic Tan is really working."

    "Angelina Jolie can afford to have special trainers that you can't get at regular gyms," Tiffany stated as she picked up some Extra Butter, Extra Salt Popcorn to snack on, "I mean, having a ton of money will get you that body, if you know what I mean". Todd didn't know what she meant, but decided to just stay quiet. Tiffany then went on to explain again that the reason she stopped jogging was because she needed a new pair of tennis shoes and didn't want to "undo all the hard work" she'd done by running in old shoes.

    Despite repeatedly turning up the volume during the viewing of Mr. And Mrs. Smith that night, Todd unfortunately missed 80% of the movie due to discussing at length whether or not Angelina Jolie's hair was a "weave", or if she'd had "Restalyn" or "Restasis". He wasn't totally sure. Also discussed was why anyone would like a cheating whore who steals Brad Pitt from his wife. Instead of pointing out that Tiffany had earlier stated that Jennifer Aniston's nose was huge and unnatural, Todd chose instead to fill his mouth with delicious Extra Butter, Extra Salt Popcorn.

    Later that evening, when Tiffany inquired as to why Todd didn't work out more to achieve hot abs and a sexy core like Brad Pitt, Todd took the opportunity to dump Tiffany because of her non-air-brushed legs. Now he's dating a personal trainer, who looks a lot like Angelina Jolie.

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