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    « Last 'Air Supply' Fan Calls It Quits | Main | When Fart Jokes Are No Longer Funny, It’s Time To Walk Away »
    Tuesday
    Sep182007

    O. J. Hires Hotshot Attorney Jackie Chiles

    jackie3.jpg(Las Vegas, NV) O. J. Simpson has found himself in trouble again. Over the weekend Simpson allegedly broke into a room at the palatial Palace Station hotel and took some of his own sports memorabilia at gunpoint. And like that whole ‘Nicole and Ron thing’ O.J. says he’s the victim. “Those guys stole from me first man!”

    To help him avoid serious jail time, Simpson has retained the best attorney he could afford, Jackie Chiles.

    “All I have to say is that these charges are lewd, lascivious and salacious!” said Chiles to NBC’s Today Show Matt Lauer, while standing outside the Clark County Detention Center in Las Vegas. “The fact that this brother is even in jail is an infringement on his constitutional rights. It's outrageous, egregious and preposterous!”

    Chiles went on add that Simpson is being mistreated in jail, where he is not only being kept in a closet sized cell, but he also only being fed O’Henry bars. “With all that chocolate, peanuts, nougat, the O'Henry is delicious, scrumptious and outstanding! But it’s not enough for the man-size appetite of the Juice!”

    Legal scholars from around the country think Chiles has a tough case ahead of him. “That audio tape, where Simpson threatens a group of men, is pretty damaging” said former Simpson Dream Team member Alan Dershowitz. “It could be a big big problem for Jackie.”

    But Chiles is not worried. “Oh that tape is gonna be a problem. It’s gonna be a problem for them, the prosecution,” said Chiles to CNN’s Larry King. “It shows that this whole supposed robbery was a sting, a set-up, a caper! Why that tape is libelous, odious, and scurrilous! But that tape is my case.”

    For all Simpson’s supposed effort, there are now reports that the sports memorabilia he allegedly tried to recover was fake. Which would mean O.J. could go to jail for nothing.

    “First of all O.J. will not be going to jail, because thanks to Mr. Jackie Chiles, he will be vindicated, absolved and exculpated!” said Chiles to Court TV’s Nancy Grace. “And second of all, that memorabilia is Mr. Simpson's. It is real and it is spectacular.”

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